{"id":12925105,"date":"2026-06-17T02:00:31","date_gmt":"2026-06-17T09:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/?p=12925105"},"modified":"2026-06-09T10:28:40","modified_gmt":"2026-06-09T17:28:40","slug":"harriette-cole-siblings-dont-trust-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/06\/17\/harriette-cole-siblings-dont-trust-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Harriette Cole: I was told my siblings don&#8217;t trust me to handle the estate"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>DEAR HARRIETTE:<\/strong> As my parents get older, they are focusing more on organizing their affairs and estate planning. With that comes some tough decisions.<\/p>\n<aside class=\"related right\"><h2 class=\"widget-title\" data-curated-ids=\"\" data-relation-type=\"automatic-primary-tag\">Related Articles<\/h2><ul><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/07\/02\/harriette-cole-forgot-our-anniversary\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: I&#8217;ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: I&#8217;ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/07\/01\/harriette-cole-irascible-boyfriend\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: I ask for a little favor and my boyfriend blows up at me\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: I ask for a little favor and my boyfriend blows up at me\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/06\/30\/harriette-cole-bumbling-boss\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: Should I tell my bumbling boss that the team is annoyed with her?\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: Should I tell my bumbling boss that the team is annoyed with her?\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/06\/29\/harriette-cole-co-workers-skirts\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: My co-worker&#8217;s skirts don&#8217;t flatter her deteriorating body\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: My co-worker&#8217;s skirts don&#8217;t flatter her deteriorating body\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/06\/27\/harriette-cole-no-fourth-kid\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: I&#8217;ve said no, but my husband keeps arguing for another kid\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: I&#8217;ve said no, but my husband keeps arguing for another kid\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><\/ul><\/aside>\n<p>I am the oldest of four children, and naturally my parents default to me for certain things.<\/p>\n<p>When we were growing up, my parents acquired several properties, and they purchased them in my name and my siblings&#8217; names in birth order (so the first home was mine, the second was for the second child and so on). So now we are each fortunate to have at least one home in our names.<\/p>\n<p>My parents recently sat me down for a hard conversation, admitting to me that my siblings don&#8217;t trust me to be in charge and they have asked that my parents transfer some of their assets out of my name.<\/p>\n<p>I am shocked and appalled. Should I confront my siblings, or simply prove to my parents that I am capable of leading?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em>&#8212; Birthright<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR BIRTHRIGHT:<\/strong> First, talk to your parents and ask them what they think. Ask for an honest assessment of this request, and be prepared to listen.<\/p>\n<p>Do a self-evaluation: How well do you manage money, including your personal finances, your home, etc.? Do your siblings have a legitimate reason to want to take this responsibility away from you?<\/p>\n<p>Also, if the assets are to be divided in a particular way, why can&#8217;t that be set up specifically in your parents&#8217; will or trust so that each of you has a direct line to whatever should be rightfully yours after they pass?<\/p>\n<p>Try not to take this request too personally as you also look to improve your behavior and avoid a rift among your siblings.<\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR HARRIETTE<\/strong>: When my husband and I got married and moved in together 58 years ago, I had the same issue as the letter writer from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/05\/26\/harriette-cole-uncomfortable-in-boyfriends-house\/\">&#8220;Boy&#8217;s House.&#8221;<\/a> I found myself picking up everything, putting everything away and keeping the house clean and tidy while also doing my own work.<\/p>\n<p>I finally decided that an object lesson was needed in order to equalize responsibilities and maintain a tidy home.<\/p>\n<p>For one week, I picked up everything of mine and nothing of his. On Saturday (cleaning day), I opened the morning discussion with: &#8220;I have an idea. I&#8217;ll pick up all of my stuff and you pick up all of your stuff.&#8221; He thought that was a great idea. He got busy, and I sat down. Lesson learned.<\/p>\n<aside class=\"related right\"><h2 class=\"widget-title\" data-curated-ids=\"\" data-relation-type=\"automatic-primary-section\">Related Articles<\/h2><ul><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/07\/02\/asking-eric-thomas-accidental-voicemail\/\" title=\"Asking Eric: I want her to know I got her insulting accidental voicemail\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tAsking Eric: I want her to know I got her insulting accidental voicemail\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/07\/02\/harriette-cole-forgot-our-anniversary\/\" title=\"Harriette Cole: I&#8217;ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tHarriette Cole: I&#8217;ve been crying all week since my husband forgot our anniversary\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/07\/02\/miss-manners-shamed-by-bride\/\" title=\"Miss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tMiss Manners: The bride wants to know how to properly shame the non-gift-givers\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/07\/02\/dear-abby-embarrassed-in-my-home\/\" title=\"Dear Abby: How do I bar this woman from my home after she embarrassed me?\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tDear Abby: How do I bar this woman from my home after she embarrassed me?\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><li>\n\t\t\t<a class=\"article-title\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mercurynews.com\/2026\/07\/01\/asking-eric-thomas-no-contact-daughter\/\" title=\"Asking Eric: My wife is heartbroken about her no-contact daughter, and I&#8217;m just angry\">\n\t\n\t\t\t\t<span class=\"dfm-title free\">\n\t\t\tAsking Eric: My wife is heartbroken about her no-contact daughter, and I&#8217;m just angry\t\t<\/span>\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\n\t\n<\/li><\/ul><\/aside>\n<p>All these years later, he is the neat one, and sometimes I would like to leave something lying around! He took the lesson to heart, and we have a very, very clean and tidy home. Just saying &#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em>&#8212; Lesson Learned<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>DEAR LESSON LEARNED:<\/strong> Thanks for sharing your story! Yes, teaching by example is often a better way of handling a challenge than fussing about it. Your strategy showed your husband what he was doing, and he made the smart decision to step up. Let&#8217;s hope that reading this story will inspire others to do the same.<\/p>\n<p><em>Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c\/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am shocked. Should I confront them about their request to our parents?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":263,"featured_media":9171366,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"subheadline":"I am shocked. 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